over due...:)

Thanksgiving

I am relieved to say the family went to the hunting camp for Thanksgiving this year. Sadie got to run herself silly with Dakota. The rest of us stuffed ourselves with awesome turkey and fixings. After dinner, Sue picked the turkey clean to use for soup and the dogs sat quietly and watched every move she made. Of course, she slipped them bits and pieces frequently.


I finally finished the hats I promised to LC Guy! He sheared the sheep, I spun the roving into yarn and knitted two hats. He picked them up a couple days ago and loves them and says he can't believe how soft they are. Now, I have to spin some more for me!

Sadie and Stella had a spontaneous playdate. I suddenly decided to take the last 2 hours of a day off and run away with the girls. I watched them frolic and it made me smile.

A co-worker knitted this afghan for me. I love it, but so does Sadie. Every time I get up to do something, I come back to find her curled up on top of it.

Warm Fall Day

Today was gorgeous! 

I got a lot done too.  We walked, cleaned the gazebo for the winter, and took in the recycling. I finally returned the pop and beer bottles from when the cousins were here in July. lol

The gazebo was a mess. There was stuff just thrown inside it. Even a broken PVC pipe chair that really should go to the garbage. I think whoever brought in the dock just threw in the tubes and furniture. It took me awhile to re-pack and add our stuff to the inside for the winter.  I still need to put the outside plastic on, but I want my arm to have one more week to heal and hopefully I can draft someone to help next weekend.

The past few weeks have been busy.

We had a windstorm and I lost power for a few days. I was pleased to be asked to stay with 110 for 2 nights. :) 

Things are in turmoil at work. There is going to be a huge shake up in our department and when the dust settles, I have no idea if I will even be working there anymore. Nice.

I am going to talk to my doctor about some alternative pain treatments. I made an appointment this week. I am petrified of the coming winter. Last winter was hell on earth for me physically. This caused all sorts of mental repercussions as a result. I do not wish to repeat any of it. I am trying to be proactive this time. I have asked those closest to me to be patient, encourage me to exercise, and just be aware that stress is a trigger.

Last weekend I went to the bar. First time in about 8 years. Stayed about 5 minutes. lol  It was Halloween, packed, and NOT smoky. I liked the band.  I wanted to get my feet wet and so I was happy.  I have really missed dancing. I don't know of any places close by that play the kind of music I like to dance to, but baby steps. 

Sadie's separation anxiety is improving, but still an issue. The more exercise she gets, the better she deals with me leaving. It has been cold and it is a struggle for me to try and get out in the evenings and take her. I am still in physical therapy three times a week and I don't get home until 5pm those nights.

I bought a snowmobile suit at St. Vincent de Paul's last week for $4.00. The zipper is broke, but I dropped it off for repair. I am hoping that will keep me warm on my walks this winter.  I have asked 110 to take me snowmobiling this winter too.  Snow shoeing is still on the list of things to try this winter and I have been pricing them.  I have even checked craigslist, but nothing so far.

I bought a new digital camera. It has a 26x optical zoom. Look for those images in the future. The picture below was taken by Dad with it when we were messing around last weekend. It was bizarre when we were taking the photo below. The regular flash did not activate, instead, a red glow emanated from the front of the camera for the photo. You can not tell in the photo though!

The photos above were taken with my other camera. It is becoming more frustrating to deal with because the battery will not hold the charge. I don't know if it is the battery or the charger. I am continuing to look into it because it is still the best camera for carrying with me all the time. The new camera is easy to use, but larger and I don't have a case for it yet.

fantastic fall

We are having a wonderful fall too. It is hunting season, so we are not walking at Marl Lake anymore. We're sticking to private property without hunting allowed.

10-10-10

I spent the morning frustrated with my lack of motivation. It was a gorgeous day but I lacked energy and focus.  Finally, around 2pm, I made a decision. I grabbed my spinning wheel, some of my roving (part of 6.5 lbs of LC Guy's last batch of brown received from Zeilinger's this week), and a camp chair and planted myself on the deck with Mister and Sadie.

The view in the backyard is mixed.  If you can get past the fact that it hasn't been mowed since July (it doesn't have much grass, just mint everywhere!), the woods are a splendid mix of fall color.  In three hours, I managed to almost fill a bobbin.

My neighbor stopped by to check on Sadie - her anxiety continues and I am continuing to monitor it via Ustream daily.  She offered to check on her, but we agreed that it might make it worse. The vet has stressed keeping a to a routine.

After my haircut on Saturday, I packed up the remaining backyard furniture and cleaned the carport. At least as much as I could do with a bum right arm. It is actually something wrong with my neck, but I haven't received the results of my MRI yet. In the meantime, I am in physical therapy three times a week. Regardless, I am pleased with the results and I don't cringe every time I open the back door anymore.

Things are moving slow in regard to dating and men. This is a good thing. Based on past experience, too much, too soon can be a disaster. Patience isn't usually a strong point for me. I struggle with suppressing my impulsiveness and have to keep reminding myself to "chill". My thoughts run amuck on me constantly. LC Guy always told me I think too much and he's right. Thankfully, I have friends I can call to distract me and talk me down!

I am down to 2.5 minutes of hot water in the shower now.  Time to follow up with the plumber again. I have to be home on Wednesday this week anyway, so that might be a good way to use the time wisely. He needs to come by and measure the opening to see what will fit in that little space.  When I was at Home Depot last week, I checked prices on water heaters. There was an "on demand" model that was only $50 more than a regular 40 gallon.  I may ask about installing that instead.  Now if I could get a water softener in there too, life would be so GOOD!

Okay, I'm off to call the plumber!

The week in brief, with pictures...

Poor Sadie, she is now taking Xanax. Yep, same stuff that humans take. The good news is that it is helping. Her counter time is cut in half on the first day.  I am still monitoring with the Sadie Cam. Her anxiety was so bad I took Wednesday off and took her to the vet.  We decided this needed to be "nipped in the bud" fast in order to prevent it from becoming a way of life for her.  Break the habit now, before it gets worse.

Oh, and before I forget again....Ghost Kitty has returned. It is braver than before and much closer to the house, and even in the carport when I pull in the driveway.

Last weekend was the Dog Scout's Fall Outing. Sadie and I never miss it! We don't always have a lot of time to spend there, but we always enjoy it. It was good to let Sadie run off some of the anxiety she's been experiencing.  Later in the afternoon she had another "attach" of shaking and I took her home shortly afterward.

The weather is wonderful - guess this is our Indian Summer. It hit 82 degrees yesterday at 3:30pm.  110 and I went out on the boat after work. It was about 6:30 by the time we launched. Yeah, much cooler by then, but we planned well and had dressed accordingly and brought blankets.

The colors are just starting to turn on the lake.  The nice thing about this time of year is that all the docks, boats, and other toys are gone. There was only one other boat on the lake!  Spanky and I made use of the blankets while the sun went down.   I had never been out on a boat this time of year and enjoyed the hell out of the experience. :)

Sadie Cam revisited

Sadie has been extremely skittish, anxious, and will visibly shake at times. Last week, Thursday, I came home to dog poop on my kitchen counters!  I spent the next couple days setting baskets and other things all over the counter to keep her off.

But, as you should know by now, dear reader, I had to know WHY. I need to understand why her dirty adorable paws (or worse) are all over my white counters when I get home from work.

There is nothing for her to eat and, other than her anxiety, I didn't know why she was doing it. So I set up the long unused Sadie Cam to capture her in the act.



Now I know why. It's her severe separation anxiety. She needs to look for me (or whomever) after I left her.

I will continue monitoring and working on this.

Right now, constant reassurance, lots of exercise, and keeping stuff on my counters in an effort to keep her off them!

Fall "up north"

It seems that summer is gone for good now. I keep hoping for an Indian Summer, but it's not happening. I would really like to take a fall boat ride - have the lake to ourselves, see the shoreline colors from the water, and see the lake without docks and boats.

I have continued with my personal growth spurt. I've been thinking of me first and I'm enjoying myself.  My new attitude has surprised me with an embarrassment of riches. People really do respond to how you feel about yourself!

I have discovered a new friend and confidant. I am able to bounce feelings, reactions, and insecurities off him without fear of judgment or hurt. We talk about our relationships, we explore our insecurities, and we keep each other on track with our personal goals. It's liberating and, as I told him, the weirdest thing that has ever happened in my life.  We made an immediate connection.

Some things I still need to work on. My self confidence is major. I'm aware of this, and working on it. 

Something that is really starting to bug me is the fact that I have been struggling with my knitting and fiber hobby for this entire year.  The simplest way to put it is "I've lost my mojo". I haven't finished anything since November or December of last year! I have barely picked up any knitting. This summer was so wonderful, I didn't process any of the 40-50 lbs of wool I have stored in my shed.  I go to my knitting group, but don't knit. I have been combing wool I processed ages ago.

Last weekend was the Northern Michigan Lamb & Wool Festival in West Branch. I look forward to volunteering for this event every year. This year was no exception. However, I was super sick the week before it and had not fully recovered.  I had pinned high hopes on attending this year - hoping to get the mojo back!  I quickly tired on Saturday, but felt good enough on Sunday to return, not as a volunteer, but as a participant.  I ate more Walking Tacos (more on those later, OMG, they are wonderful).

The long story, short, I was partially successful.  I didn't have a huge return of mojo, but there is a stirring.  My knitting group was surprised to see me knitting this week.  Its a dishcloth, but it's a start!  I have visited Ravelry and added a few items to my queue.  I'm going to keep things small for now and see how it goes.  I'm optimistic!

Now, I better stop and get back to work! I had an urge to blog on the way to work this morning and figured I better "make hay" while I was in the mood.

Life is good!

Wordless Wednesday

A personal growth spurt

I have been trying to figure out what went wrong and I think I've finally worked it out.

At first a break up is always upseting and you're too close to be objective. All I knew is that I was not happy, nor was he. Facts.

A couple weeks ago I realized I had lost sight of myself at some point, I figured it happened sometime in mid to late May. It was gradual, but little by little, I stopped thinking of myself first, lost confidence in myself and my abilities, I stopped thinking and just reacted. There were little clues. I am sure I missed a lot, but I realized, I was neglectful,  (I just plain forgot them) of my responsibilities towards Sadie and Mister. I was pressuring myself to do things I was not comfortable with. But I didn't know why it happened.

So for the past week, I have been getting back in touch with me. Hi Me! I know I need exercise to feel my best, emotionally and physically. I am walking again. I went kayaking. I am eating better. I'm thinking more positively, objectively, and proactively. I'm getting out around people. Does me no good to sit home and withdraw! I feel better today than I have in weeks. 

Then, today, while out walking with Sadie, I realized why I lost sight of myself!

These are my preliminary findings. I am still analyzing it. I believe it stems from my profound unhappiness with work. It was gradual, but I think I am onto something.  Slowly, without realizing it, I started to depend on him for my happiness. I was clinging to his optimism and positive attitude. It felt good to be around those qualities. But, it became something I needed just to get me through the miserable work day. If I didn't get my fix, I was resentful, miserable, and frustrated.  Then guess who I took it out on? I wasn't the same person anymore. I didn't like myself. How could I expect anyone else to like me?

That is not someone else's responsibility! You, and only you are responsible for your own happiness.

I know, I am always harder on myself than I am on others. I expect a lot from myself. But don't worry, I am also very forgiving of myself and others. It takes too much energy to hate and resent.

But I had to know what and why it happened. It was bugging me. How else can you learn and grow? And how else can you try to avoid doing it again! I learn by repetition, so I expect it might happen again, but I hope, now that I know what it is, I can catch it sooner! I feel like a weight has been lifted from me! It feels awesome!

Now, it is time to work on a solution!

 *  *  *  * *
Why do I spend so much time and energy trying to figure myself out?

Maslow's Hierarchy made a big impression on me. The road to self actualization is not easy. But I'm going to keep traveling this road.

Lamb update or getcher lamb fix

Back to work after Stay-cation

It's been busy!


More relatives in town, more trips to Grand Rapids, a trip to the farm and of course, as much time at the lake as I can get.

Lake time: The gazebo is finally getting some repair and maintenance! Some foundation work, 1/3 of the roof replaced and the changing room was removed. Needless to say, I am thrilled! I have been going down there every day (like I wouldn't anyway) to check the progress. They are putting on a rubber roof.

I stopped to visit Molly on Monday on the way home. She is still fat and sassy. I have no idea if she is pregnant or not. Can goats have hysterical pregnancies? She has all the symptoms...except the actual birth!

I am done with my class in Grand Rapids, so no more trips down there every Sunday evening and back on Monday evening. I will miss my visits with Anne. We would be funny to picture. Separate sides of the room, separate couches, separate laptops...but we talk while we are working.

The man appeared at the gazebo yesterday. It appears I will have to assign him a nickname, since he may not be fading away after all. While the NC relatives were here, Ingrun referred to him as "110". I had made a mention about the horsepower of the motor on his pontoon and this number stuck in her head. I don't recall the actual number, but this will work! I like it, and I think he would too. So, he's 110 or 110 Man. Got it?

We went for a ride on a jet boat he was working on trying to fix at work. It was fun, fast, and nimble. We rode until there were nothing but fumes in the gas tank. Later he threw my old oven in the back of his truck. I finally have that eyesore out of my kitchen!

Stay-cation

I've been driving to GR every Sunday and back on Monday. Sadie isn't liking it at all and has turned into a nervous, velcro puppy. I feel awful and I'm glad that this week is the last day of the course. I have enjoyed staying with my friend, Anne. She has graciously opened her home to me so I don't have to get a hotel or drive down and back the same day. It has allowed us to catch up every week too and I have enjoyed that immensely!

I took some time off last week and spent some time with relatives visiting from NC. It was wonderful! The weather was perfect, their rental home was steps from the lake, and it was great to just hang out all day with them.

The guy I was seeing in April/May showed up at my place and we had a short talk. He wants to remain friends and even showed up at my cousin's rental and took a group of us to the sunken island to swim.

My farmer friend, LC Guy, is getting married tomorrow. He suggested I stop by at his place on my return trip this week to check on the critters. He will be on his honeymoon. He didn't say if Molly had her kid(s) yet, so I guess I will just have to wait and see. I will take pictures!

The Routine is Shot

 

My routine is shot. With the break up, the travel, and mixing my days around at work, I am in a state of flux. I forget to take my meds, I get distracted easily, and I'm tired. This 3 day weekend will be welcome.

So, walking is mandatory. I have been trying to walk daily. Okay, yesterday I had to mow the lawn, but walking was included. :)

The walking helps. I am walking at work as much as possible too. Today I walked down to the pond and laid in the sun on the grass and closed my eyes and listened to the fountain. Wonderfully relaxing.

kayak transport

kayak transport
Originally uploaded by teri-upnorth

I borrowed my sister's kayak on Saturday night. It was fun driving home like this at 11pm on a Saturday night. It wiggled loose and I had to stop a few miles from home and re-secure it. You know, it is hard to see while driving at night with the interior lights on! I had Sadie with me at the time. I put her on a leash and tucked the end under my leg in the car to prevent her from wandering to the open back end.

yeah, fun ride home. lol

Payoff was having an early morning paddle on Higgins Lake. No one but me and a few fishermen....priceless.

Saturday

Molly
Originally uploaded by teri-upnorth

Been a busy few days.

The drive to Grand Rapids and back wore me out. At least I thought it did. Or staying up late talking and getting caught up with my hostess. Then again, it could be from taking new antihistamines. Or even the 4-5 day fibro flare I had shortly before I left. Thankfully, it resolved by Sunday. I did a lot of sleeping that weekend.

For some odd reason, my pharmacy is unable to locate any supply of my allergy medicine. From vendor or manufacturer. Generic or name brand. All they can figure is that there may be a raw material shortage. Not the time of year you want to run out of allergy medicine!

In the meantime, I am trying to use over the counter substitutes. Not really working for me. lol

Looks like "the man" may be on the way out of the picture. I'm thinking it may be mutual. Part of me is sad, up until a few weeks ago, it had great promise. Now its just disappointing and leaves me feeling battered and bruised emotionally. A friend tells me that's the sign that it is time to move on. I think getting away for a couple days helped me realize that as well. If I could only hit "rewind"...lol. Lately, I have been talking to my old bf, LC Guy, more than my current bf. No worries people, I am not entertaining a step backwards in that direction. Just pointing out the irony!

Had a chilly day at the beach but still got some sun. It was pretty windy. Hopefully it won't be as windy tomorrow. I have a call into my sister to borrow her kayak. I will either hit Marl Lake or the river. I think Higgins will be a bit too busy and wavy. I am still very uncertain of myself in a kayak!

Wordless Wednesday

lamb01
Originally uploaded by teri-upnorth

I confess, I stole the "wordless Wednesday" from another blogger - I like the liberation of not having to write. I'm in Holland today and will not have time to compose, but I can make short, image only posts. So enjoy! I will try to do a few today.

Boat ride

Spanky

Cold and overcast, but still, you can't beat a relaxing boat ride on Higgins Lake. And with this face?

What do you think of the new design?

Catch up

 

A quick couple photos to keep you updated.

Things are going well. I have been pain free (or very low pain) since the last week in March.

I have been seeing someone since the first week in April. I am not going to say more - call me superstitious, but I don't want to jinx either one.

Trust me, I am enjoying both.

 Bark (Walk) for Life

"The Man"

 Some Campus Turkeys